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The world is a stage... and some of us are just bad actors....

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Mar. 21st, 2005 | 03:24 pm
mood: depressed depressed
music: Damien Rice, Elliott Smith, Azure Ray, Belle & Sebastian, and others on shuffle

Well it was a long drive home of just thinking about random bull shit. It seems thats Tuesday has become one big joke amongst some people, others took it the wrong way, and apparently no one really understands any of it...

One thing I was told was not to care what everyone thinks or feels that no matter what you have to do what makes you happy.... judging by the situation at hand... I don't think that lays any significance on the grounds of what happened.... and I'll explain that in a minute...

The other was the slap in the face by my own girlfriend by poking fun at me for what happened.. Maybe she felt it would hurt less if she could make fun of me for it.. I dunno... but we talked that over and its w/e now..

All of us are effected by what others in the group think of us... Some of us are just better actors and better at hiding it and we all deal with it in a different way.. I don't care who you are, you care what certain people in our once close-knit group thinks. Obviously being Im posting twice in my journal about the same chain of events I'm still effected by it.

Here is the explanation for the first quote.. In the matters of hook-up/sex I've always had the same approach and obviously it's different than most. When I was single I had my share of hook-ups and whatnot and I don't think of it as me being some whore or whatnot, I don't see the problem when 2 people are in the mood to engage in a stimulating experience that it's wrong to act on it... And being that all my experience comes from people I consider friends or people I at least talk to on a semi-regular basis, that it makes it all the more better because I knew the histories involved and layed little risk on the table. I didn't go out and sleep with random whore at a bar or whatnot, I slept with people i knew and felt comfortable with. Is that wrong? maybe to some it is. I see no harm in it..

As for the other night, the only thing wrong with it, obviously was that 1) im not single 2) I was totally drunk to the point I remember nothing of it.

As for a defense on my sexuality? well I don't know why I feel the need to defend my status but hey why not make it easier for everyone.. I'm definately not gay and I don't think of what happened that night as anything more than just random moments that happened... I apologize if anyone got the wrong idea of the whole situation but thats all it was to me and again if I was single it wouldn't be bothering me as much probably. I just consider myself a human being who is open to whatever and well, so what it was 2 guys... well I don't think that makes me gay or bi or whatever else anyone can dish up.. Now personally I have always considered what my sexual orientation is being that I've been questioned about it for numerous amounts of time and years.. I've considered the fact that maybe I am bi... but I believe that to be bi, I would have to have the feelings there for guys in a sexual and relationship sort of way, and upon collecting my thoughts on my feelings, I have come to the conclusion I have neither of those... I don't look at guys the way I look at girls and I have never once wanted to engage in those types of situations with the same sex... What happened. happened and well thats that... I don't necessarily regret it because I don't believe in regrets.... I believe that things happen and maybe this was a situation that was put up for me to make others understand that everything has a gray area and its not just straight or gay or bi.... But I'm sure there will be people who still don't get it or understand it and thats just something that I'll have to deal with I guess........ what else can I say in my defense except that we are who we are and not who always choose to be.

Feel free to post a comment.. or whatever... but I'm trying to post this as my closure to the situation and to hope that people won't be so insensitive to the subject because it does bother me. Because if Jenn or Lisa or April whoever was to make out... You wouldn't be questioning them on their sexuality would you????? But because I'm a guy its different????? keep that in mind as you throw whatever witty banter you care to throw at me....

joey.... aka MJ and tha Doc

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Comments {7}

.if love is a labor, I'll slave til the end.

From: alwyzasweety
Date: Mar. 22nd, 2005 07:59 am (UTC)

aww feel better!

if it makes any difference... i don't think differently of you..


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From: nhssportychick4
Date: Mar. 22nd, 2005 04:16 pm (UTC)

Because if Jenn or Lisa or April whoever was to make out... You wouldn't be questioning them on their sexuality would you????? But because I'm a guy its different????? keep that in mind as you throw whatever witty banter you care to throw at me....

hey thats so true. i ask that all the time. i really don't get why its ok and even hott when two chicks make out but if two guys do it they're considered gay.

and i'm so with you on the hooking up thing...except i get the whore thing cause i'm a girl. double standards suck ass.

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From: nite_prowler05
Date: Mar. 22nd, 2005 11:17 pm (UTC)

hey hun... im sorry. I hope things will get better for you. It's no big deal and as long as you know who you are and are true to yourself, and hopefully it'll be okay. Try not to worry to much; just talk things out with Lisa and everything'll get better.. what's done is done and that's that.

< 3 courtney muahhh xo

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From: burgundyphoenix
Date: Mar. 23rd, 2005 06:15 pm (UTC)

I still love ya, Joey!! Don't worry so much, hon. It will be okay. =)

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From: piinkpolkadots_
Date: Mar. 27th, 2005 08:56 pm (UTC)

+brand new
+first 15 accepted with 3 out of 4 MOD yes votes
+fun themes
+point system
+face offs
sorry if you don't like promotions, just let the person who promoted to you know and they will happily delete it.

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From: ooh__la_la
Date: Apr. 12th, 2005 04:56 am (UTC)


we'd love to have you join us, you'd be perfect for our community!♥

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From: princess0113
Date: Jun. 28th, 2005 03:13 am (UTC)

pssstt...Joe..this is your journal. I still exist. update me. :-P

j/k its Em. :-)

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